This weekend the 2 original men in my life were with me- my dad and my brother. Combined they had to travel 1200 miles to get here so the 3 of us being together doesn't happen all that often! They have had an intermittantly contentious relationship (mostly b/c they're SO much alike and neither will admit it!) but things have been good for awhile so i was actually looking forward to it! Granted, I wasn't going to be much of a hostess from my new residence on the couch but they knew this and neither seemed to mind. In fact, my dad has been here since i got admitted to the hospital 2 weeks ago, having dropped everything to come down here and help out, and my brother booked his flight and made arrangements after hearing we were again having complications.
To understand the importance of this, you need a little background on these men (again they're very similar so most comments apply to both!). Neither one says 'i love you' with any regularity, feeling that words are just that. My brother is an exceptionally busy corporate lawyer with multiple deal closings occuring weekly as the end of the year rapidly approaches, so taking any time for himself, let alone me, is a big deal. They rarely hug...they just don't. They don't worry about what might happen- they deal with what is. They use humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanism (i know, i know- so do i). They often keep people at arms length to avoid opening themselves up to the possibility of hurt, but are fiercely loyal to those that they let in. They don't fill time or space w/ idle chatter- they would rather sit in silence than talk just to talk.
So knowing my family the way i do, what could possibly have been so revealing this weekend that i actually said, 'oh shit- i get it'?!? I think I finally understand the years of sacrifice and unspoken, no strings attached love that my dad has been giving me for the last 31 years! Of course i've known my whole life that my dad loves me, even without him saying it regularly. He's never missed an event, he has spent many nights by my bedside both at home and in the hospital after one of my many surgeries, he does what needs to be done w/out having to be asked- but he does it all so damn quietly that it's sometimes easy to overlook. But not this weekend...
My dad is a Penn State Alum (class of 74)- just like my mom, my brother, my husband, and me. So like any Penn Staters our Saturdays in the fall are shaped by who we're playing and what time the game's on. But for my dad it goes deeper than that. When he was in school, he couldn't go to the games. He was paying his own way, taking as many courses as the university would allow at one time to finish as soon as possible, and working 3 jobs to do it. There was no time for football. So when we were growing up we often listened to the games on AM radio or watched on TV if they were televised (not as common as it is today!) but we never actually made the trek to State College. We were certainly not poor but there just wasn't the money for such things at that time. Then when we were in high school my dad found a ticket connection and we started going to games- alternating between me and my brother for the extra ticket. And those weekends when you were the 'chosen one' were the best! Eventually my parents got season tickets and since my Freshman year in 1998 have been to every home game...until this year. My dad loves football season! He loves the tailgating, the band (often playing the CD in the car on the way to the game), the weather (even when crappy!), and having friends- both theirs and ours- knowing they have a place to meet on Saturdays in Happy Valley!
So where was my dad when history was made this Saturday in State College?? He was here, in North Carolina- with me. This weekend, Coach Joe Paterno won his 400th game at Penn State and everyone in the college football world says this feat will never be matched at another Division I program. As an alum, I couldn't be prouder of our coach, our football program- and as a daughter, I am even prouder of my father! I did not ask him to stay this weekend, to give up his ticket to his front row seat to history- I didn't have to. Throughout the day we watched the college football announcers discuss, banter, and put together a cinematic montage marking the milestone that was set to possibly occur later that day. My dad would grimace through text messages from my mom (who was at the game) relaying the day's events- but never once complained. He watched the game on TV with his 2 sons (one biological and one by marriage), his grandson (decked out head to toe in Penn State gear), and his daughter- the one who needed him.
Realizing (again!) that my dad is the kind of man who would give up his opportunity to enjoy a beautiful fall day, one hell of a football game, and history without being told, without being asked, or without ever mentioning his sacrifice is humbling to say the least. To know that he loves me that much is overwhelming! They say that a girl will marry a man just like her father- in my case, i say, only if they're lucky! And lucky for me, i did find a man like my father- sometimes they're eerily similar!! But after he set such a good example, I wasn't about to settle! And the fact that after 31 years he's still finding ways to surprise me and take care of me means that Alex has a lot to live up to...and so far, he's doing a damn good job! And to be honest, I'm thrilled that there will be another generation, another little girl, that will know such unconditional love! My daughter will not only have the best daddy in the world, but the best grandpa, too! And that alone, makes us two of the luckiest ladies in the world!
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