The Perfect Parent

First things first- I am NOT the perfect parent.  I would probably not even be in the running if they had a competition for such a thing.  In fact, I'm not even sure the perfect parent exists outside the pages of the parenting magazines that come to our house monthly.  Sure, I have ideas of what I should be doing to be a closer to perfect parent...and in my head I guess my vision of the perfect parent is a compilation of people I read about, see on TV, witness at the grocery store, etc.  So as we prepare for round 2 of this parenting thing- and are still blindly stumbling forward through round 1- here is my wish list in regards to my parenting skills.

1) I had the desire and/or time to make homemade organic baby food.  To be honest, this is just not a possibility given our work schedules.  I know it doesn't make me hip or trendy or the most healthy parent, but Nicholas seemed to do just fine on Gerber and our daughter will, too.

2) We could use cloth diapers.  This is something Alex and I seriously talked about prior to Nicholas being born premature and we realized that they didn't make diapers small enough to fit him.  We had priced the different diaper services in our area and were ready to commit to what we felt would be better for our environment.  Once Nicholas was big enough to wear cloth diapers he was also entering daycare- and the looks on their faces when we asked about the possibility of sending him in cloth diapers were priceless!  It became very clear that in our area and at the daycares we were looking at, cloth diapers were not an option...period.

3) I could work part time.  And not 50% of what I'm currently working, I'd be happy with 75-80%.  (which for most would still count as a full time job!)  Don't get me wrong, I adore our daycare and feel that they do a much better job than I ever could at teaching my son- engaging him in educational activities, providing art and music, and socializing him w/ his peers- but when you break down the number of hours in a day, I get to spend ~3 waking hrs with my son.  And in those hours we must eat breakfast and dinner, get dressed for school, get a bath, brush teeth, etc- leaving precious few moments for playing and enjoying the wonder that is my child.  And on more than one occasion I have felt like I was missing out!

4) I could handle every tantrum or meltdown with grace and ease.  Often I am able to parent effectively- telling Nicholas to let me know when he's done and we'll talk about it when he's calmed down, giving hugs and timeouts at appropriate intervals, and keeping my own frustration at his very difficult yet witty and intelligent disobedience in check.  But then there are the other days...days when I completely understand how people with less evolved coping mechanisms shake their children!  I would love to lie and say I've never had those days...that i've never wanted to scream back...that i've never wished daycare was open on Saturdays...but that's just not true!  Thankfully though Alex and I parent as a team and can 'tap out' when we are past our breaking point.  And b/c of this, Nicholas continues to know a peaceful existence!

5) I looked like I stepped out of a J Crew catalog while running errands or hitting up the Farmer's Market or taking Nicholas for a wagon ride.  Now, I'm not sure that I ever looked like I stepped out of a J Crew catalog before I had children- but I can promise you that I don't look that way now!  Jeans and flip-flops, sneakers to play outside, ponytails when my hair was long, hats now that it's short, sweatshirts, comfy pants around the house (which allow much easier floor play!), and the idea of makeup is a joke!  If I have showered, put on clean clothes, and my child is also clean and dressed- I consider this a victory!

6) My house was spotless.  Since I've been on bedrest my house is cleaner than it's ever been due to my very attentive and thorough father.  But when I don't have a live-in housekeeper this is just not the case.  We have a dog that sheds constantly and his hair looks like tumbleweeds across our hardwood floors.  This in turn increases the amount of dust.  We have 15 sets of wood blinds in just our downstairs that should be routinely dusted/vacuumed- not counting the windows upstairs.  We have baseboards and moldings and artwork...the list goes on and on.  Our goal (and don't laugh people, we're not setting the bar very high!) is to keep our kitchen clean (a must!), clean the bathrooms that people use (and avoid visible mold and mildew in the one that isn't), and dust and vacuum when it is obvious that this must be done.  Hey, like I said...we're working on it!

7) Every meal would be home cooked from natural ingredients.  This happens more often than not but we are certainly not above Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, frozen chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and even the dreaded hotdog in a pinch.  We have even-gasp- used drive thru when there is just no time and life seems to get in the way.  Although I will pat myself on the back b/c my son LOVES fruits, vegetables, dairy, and is open to trying just about anything!

8) We would never use the TV as a babysitter.  Nicholas rarely watches TV but there are certain things he absolutely loves- Sesame Street on Saturday mornings, football with daddy, Jeopardy at night while cuddling before bed, and now the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse if and when we find it on TV.  And I'll admit, on those days when absolutely nothing makes him happy, animated movies do just the trick.  I know, I know- it's not inventive or original or educational...but hey, it works and keeps the peace!

9) We would have spent more time teaching Nicholas sign language.  He mastered 'more' and 'please' but was soon talking so we abandoned the efforts.  Now our goal is to start introducing spanish...we'll see how that pans out!

10) I would stop beating myself up for not being perfect.  I am well aware that I fall short in many things...but I also need to realize that I do the very best I can for my child.  I love him and his soon to be sister more than I thought possible.  I do everything I can to ensure they are happy and healthy and as well rounded as possible.  And at some point I need to realize that this is enough and throw out the J Crew catalogs (unless I'm ordering), the parenting magazines (b/c I realized that I give patients advice that I myself don't follow, and their 'experts' likely do the same), and the idea that unless things are perfect they're not right.  Because honestly, we have a lot more fun when things aren't perfect!